I'm not denying we used to talk. I have fond memories of messing about, but I started stoning in those days. I dunno how to explain this but I've never been me. I wasn't me then. I'm not really me now, either, but at least I feel awake. I remember having always felt distant and on the outside. I'm not just speaking about on this forum. I don't remember being close to anyone. I remember trying to be something and feeling lonely all the time. That's all I really remember. I wish I could go back and try again lol. It feels as if, if I could go back to one key moment in my life (when things went off the rails) and try again from that point onwards, with what I know today, everything would be fine. That's what I've been telling myself I gotta stop thinking lately.
I suppose what I mean is, I never felt tight with anyone. I was just insecure all the time. I wasn't sure if you thought I was a dweeb or annoying or nice or whatever. I honestly couldn't tell because my insecurities made everything hard to decipher. Like, is it just my insecurity or was that a hint? It's hard enough to tell what peoples intentions are even when you're not insecure about everything you're saying and doing. But I've always liked you Woody. You touch many bases, you're both funny, a good dude, and a legend in some respects. I mean, me and you aren't that different I think. We could definitely hang. I've kinda.. I wouldn't say I've been following your life, don't freak out, but I remember you went through some shit some years ago. Weren't you messing with some stronger drugs for a minute? Anyway, I just remember it as realizing you weren't doing too good one day. Something, a picture or something you said or the way you wrote, it was like "shit, he's not doing too good". It was sad for everyone. It's funny how you're all the way down there and I was happy for you when things started turning around. Saw the picture of you and your wifey traveling the other day, that shit puts a smile on my face. A real smile. I think I watched the photo for about ten seconds just smiling lol. Look at you. All nice, doing alright. In fact, doing the kind of "alright" that I wish I was doing, and no that's not your wife I'm talking about lol. Well it is, but you know what I mean. You have a life now, and it looks like it's happy enough or whatever lol. Oh man I've turned into such a geezer. Think I'm in the middle of another one of my periods.