Dig it
So, a little back story, if any is interested. Probably not as dramatic as the stupid TV shows yall watch in a form of escapism but here it goes.
Been gone from here for ages, I like to consider myself a member since 2002. I think I left around 09-10-ish.
Came back from time to time but saw nothing of interest. It's not just this place, the whole fucking social thing was turning stale.
In 2013, from fear that a government entity was after me (no joke, work stress), I committed myself to an in-patient in a mental health unit of a hospital.The adventure lasted about 11 days. I was put on a sedative, a mental straitjacket, if you will. Met some fucked up people while "in".
Crying rape victims. Abused prostitutes. A guy that spent the entire waking hours pacing back and forth the hallway as a show of protest against something.A grown man who spent most of the day either crying or zoned-out from the electric shock therapy. I was bunked with an older gentleman who seemed to have lost all hope, many attempted suicides and many electric shocks through his brain. He wet his bed almost every night. I thought this was a strategy by the doctor to show where I could be headed if I didn't take care of myself.
After about few days on the sedative and feeling somewhat safe again, I wanted to go home. I quickly realized that dressing proper, grooming and participation in group activities were carefully monitored, so I played my part. I wanted out. I was so good at playing the part that my fellow loonies questioned my insanity and asked me what I was doing there, that I seemed so much in control. That hurt, a bit.
I got out after a two days extended stay (fuck!) and tried to find my footing in the dangerous outside world. I didn't have very good opinions about psychiatry to begin with, and I thought the abundance of pharmaceuticals given to people like me were mostly greed. But the number one priority for me was to never go back "in". At first, the sedative felt really really good lol. But I soon realized that I was being zombified by it. It was starting to fuck things up more than helping things. My research revealing that my doctor had received tens of thousands of dollars for speaking engagements from the drug company that made the said sedative did not help me in continuing to take the medication.
Went downhill from there for about a year. I spent months in destitute. Went months without speaking to a single soul. Ate every couple of days if at all. Went days without grooming or taking care of my hygiene. I was in a worst kind of exile. Suicide was a topic of thought on a daily basis. All I did was read "fear porn" on the internet. In retrospect, I think I was seeking for a high from the adrenalin. Anyways, I read read and read which lead me to remorse, guilt and further despair. I had totally lost all sense of purpose... at that point, death seems like the only hope.
Then came last winter, around the time when everyone was counting gold in Sochi, I was witnessing the bullshit in Ukraine. At first, I thought it was another bullshit... people getting shot by snipers, yeah yeah, I hoped the Ukrainian girl I had a crush on in high school was still in the states and out of harms way. Perhaps it was for selfish reasons, but as I paid closer attention to the ongoing situation in Ukraine, I started to think that it wasn't another bullshit and that this seemed like it was on a whole new level of danger. The ridiculousness of the crimes being committed by the US government and its puppets in Ukraine seemed worse considering the fact that just across the sea, not too far in Sochi, people were having a festival, many oblivious I'm sure, to the atrocities being committed in Ukraine.
My frustration grew larger as I compared the information of various news outlets and realized that the American people, or at least those who take News Corp. and Time Warner propaganda at face value were being lied to. The contrast of the truth (or what I thought to be the truth, and I had plenty of evidence) and the lies were disturbing to me. Most of the time, the likes of CNN were more concerned with something like Kanye and Kim.
I spent the next year or so trying to alert my family of this emerging threat. If they did not ignore my attempt to communicate, they seemed oblivious or simply careless. They did not understand or they did not care. I came to the conclusion that this was a result of the madness created by the society we live in. In a setting of Babylonian debt slavery, one does not have the luxury of being concerned about such things.
What can I do? Abso-fucking-lutly nothing but to keep the truth on my side. That is all I can do.