Femme Fatales Shoutbox!

[_carmi]

Things just changed. That's all there is to it - no big fights, no big drama... just an end. We are still on good terms though (so on that note can I invoke the FF code of secrecy, lol).

awww.. that sucks.

 

[Amara]

Truthfully, I think it will be good for both of us. We became better people because of the relationship but being apart we're able to pursue our own goals and that will move each of us forward.

 

[_carmi]

you are such a positive person. i dont think i would have taken it the way you're taking it. i probably would be torn apart, while you are looking at the positive aspects of that breakup. you're strong

 

[Amara]

I guess some people and some situations make it easier to recognise positives. I spent a lot of time being pessimistic growing up and didnt get me anywhere - just made everything worse.

 

[_carmi]

i guess you're right at some point. still to be positive like that about a breakup and if i remember correctly you and that guy it had been a while you've been together. so i dont know. a short relationship yeah okay. but a long one? i'd never get over it like you do.

 

[Amara]

Actually I've found the short term relationships the hardest because the potential for a good thing is being cut. Whereas if you have given it everything you have, put significant time and energy into trying to make it work and it doesnt, at least you can rest easy knowing that you gave it a chance.

I'm a believer in that saying better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

 

[_carmi]

i do agree with the better have loved and lost then never have loved.

but i dont know long-terms seem harder because you're used to with that person, that person gets a big part of your life then when that perosn is gone there's a hole in your life and you have to fill the void

 

[Amara]

I guess it depends on how you measure the things in your life. I have university, work, family, friends, my dogs (lol) and all sorts of other things that take up my life. I dont depend on men. Of course I will feel lonely but they only accompany me in life - they arent my life. Maybe thats gonna cause me trouble later in life, trying to compromise that independence, but its what seems right at this point.

 

[_carmi]

mm okay i understand your point of view. but later on, if you believe in marriage, you will have at some point to make that one person part of your life if you marry that person.

 

[Amara]

Yeah which indicates either of two things - I am not ready for that kind of commitment or I just havent met the right person who will make me want to compromise (everyday not just in the beginning or in good times but for the rest of my life).

 

[_carmi]

yeah thats true

 

[keco52]

how long were you in a relationship amara...if you dont mind me asking...

 

[Amara]

A year and a half.

 

[keco52]

I think that is a common time to break-up..a year and a half...
For me anyway...

anyone else care to share their ideas on when ppl break-up...after how many months or years?

 

[_carmi]

1st bf i broke up after 10 months and 3 weeks. at first i thought i didnt love him anymore but then later on i realised that this relationship wasnt bringing anything new to me. there was no sex, no intimacy, nothing. we were arguing a lot and even tho i loved him, i had to break up. i knew things had to change around the 9th month but since then he left for one month and then i decided to give him a last try but it still didnt work so i had to end it. also i felt really really bad cuz while he was gone i cheated on him once well actually he had just came back and i was seeing him the day after.

2nd bf after 2 months. he was a former bestfriend. broke up because i never loved him and from bestfriend to lover i ended up hating him so much. he is one of the biggest mistakes i ever did in my life

i believe that if a relationship brings you more pain than happiness then its unhealthy and must be ended. also relationships make us accomplish self-achievement and if a relationship doesnt bring anything to you, well at some point it should be ended.

i still at this day ccant understand people who dont want stable relationships. like one of my friends told me i was wasting my young years with a serious bf. she thought i should be fooling around instead of always being loyal to the same man. but i aint like that. i need stability in my life. i cant go fuck around like my friend does. maybe that why i see them less cuz my friends are more or less all like that. they go clubbing to make out, i go clubbing to have fun and good laughes. okay now that i typed all this i realise its off-topic but whatever.

oh and i think people break up either after 2 months (like my friends just did last saturday), or after around a year or after 2 years. thats what appears to me to be the most common.

 

[Synful*Luv]

Sorry to hear that Amara.

As everyone knows, me and my ex broke up from a 4 and a half year relationship not too long ago, and i"m still not fully over him.

But being single has its advantages. I'm finally enjoying my own company as well as I'm having fun in re-inventing myself, as an individual and not a part of a couple.

I had forgot what it was like to be "me oriented" because for soo long there was only "we"

You have a great outlook on things though Amara, and I wish you all the luck in the world. Consequences are usually bad only if we expect them to turn out that way.

Glass half empty or half full?

I'd take half full anyday....ladies? What about you?

 

[Beautiful Angel]

i also not too long ago broke up with my ex after 3.5yrs together

then i was all about me for 1.5months and then when i wasn't even looking i found matt, so i'm also a very optimistic person.

as most of you know my last relationship was very very very bad, and i believe it happened for a reason and that i was with him for that long for a reason, so that i could meet matt and fall in love with him

i don't think there is any time frame that is specific to a break up, it's just how it goes, shit happens! take everything at face value.

 

[Helena]

^exactly! take everything at face value!!!!
and Synful, i'd take half full anyday too!
Amara i'm sorry to hear that. You seem to be dealing with it well, you do have a great outlook. That is a very sensible way of thinking,
i think i shall re-read those insightful few posts if i ever have a breakup! lol

 

[keco52]

Its obviously me then.

 

[Emma]

aww Amara